I wanted to write something for you, words of wisdom, of consolation of friendship… everything I started writing about became a bit too over emotional. Too “emotional”, yeah, well you just broke up with Klo, how can it not be? So I am offering you this monologue, it’s not a story, nor is it a structured e-mail. Just thoughts, real and uncensored. A monologue… because I like speaking with myself, by Jimmy D. - “So I was in my home office in front of my computer, waiting for customers to call, as I usually do. I’m not motivated by my job as I used to be because I feel a sense of complete futility or is it a sense of apathy? Does not matter at this point, I know things will change (but not necessarily improve) in the next few months. After a few minutes, a call on my office line no less (this is unusual, most of my calls come in through my cell phone), it’s my boss. I pick up and use my company’s greeting, -Thank you for calling Kaba, how may I help you? –Hey Jimmy…. I won’t bore you with the details of the conversation; suffice it to say I opened my big mouth again. A noteworthy point, I walk around when I have these types of conversations, so I had left my computer and was walking between the kitchen and the living room of my apartment. When I came back I saw an MSN window on my taskbar from Redsaber. My first reaction was of surprise, I really did not expect him to be online, I thought he’d be either sleeping, or on his way from Quebec or on his way to school or something. Well whatever it was, I was happy (but don’t tell Red, he’s going to let this go to his head). I maximize the window and there in the middle of my screen, he had written something, a something that even though I was told was coming, shocked me. He had broken up with Klo, his girlfriend from Quebec. At first I did not know what to say … At this junction I must tell you quite a few things. Red lives in Montreal, Klo in Quebec City (about 4 hours away) and he does not have a car or a driver’s license (I don’t think Klo had either)… and not much cash to take the bus to Quebec every week. –“Outrage! No car? No driver’s license?“ You should understand that in Montreal these things are not necessary (the public system is good, seriously, stop rolling your eyes…). A long distance relationship was forged between Red and Klo, to my initial displeasure. I had tried to convince Red that a long distance relationship was a bad idea, but Red being Red said –“You may be right, but I still want to live it” and so he did, for almost a year. During this year, he was happy, so was Klo, which after a while was not surprising… I met Klo, and instantly liked her. I know what you are going to say, no I was not in love with her secretly or otherwise, I just liked her. Klo represented everything I respected in a woman, she was nice, bright, funny, intelligent, well mannered … you get the idea; she represented the woman I was looking for (except I wanted mine 6 years older and living in Montreal). After meeting Klo, my perception of Red changed, if he loved and pursued women like that, he was even more of a kindred spirit then I had thought. The past year had proven me right; Red had become my best friend and my intellectual brother. This had never happened before, although I had best friends all my life, never have I had an intellectual brother. I tell Red everything and am not ever afraid to e judged or ridiculed. This is what Klo had done, she brought out the best in Red, as a true love should, and I assure you, he brought out the best in her. Seeing this couple made me happy. I wished I had that today or had had that in my life but I was never so fortunate. Today I know what to look for; today I know what kind of relationship I want, thanks to Red and Klo. So you understand why I did not know what to say, when Red told me he broke up with Klo. The conversation we had had about this two days before, still had not sunk in… until now. Why might you ask did they break up? Who broke it off? These are valid questions, the answers not so easy. Well who broke out with whom is easy, Red broke up with Klo. Why? Why? Why? In my opinion many reasons prompted Red to break it off. I think that when you are deeply in love and that your lover is away from you for long periods of time the heart starts suffering from a type of withdrawal. The same way an addict feels elation when taking a drug then withdrawal when the drug is no longer present. You could see that in Red, days leading up to his visit with Klo he was all excited, happy and full of joy and anticipation, he had the feelings of a junkie about to get his heroine fix, you know what I am talking about, this supernatural emotion that encompasses all the good emotions and that magnifies it a million times, the feeling of utter delight, of nirvana. That was Red before his fix. Once in Quebec, once in Klo’s arms the next emotion, the release. The look in the junkie’s face when the drug mingles in the body and the brain fires all these wonderful neurons and releases all these wonderful hormones. Oh, yes, the feeling lovers get when they make love and they both shiver by the sheer knowledge that they are in love. This, this was what Red felt in Klo’s arms this, the reason some of us wake up in the morning, the reason why life does not utterly suck. Then, the withdrawal. The goodbye. The physical detachment of Klo and Red until they met again, in a week or in a few. The withdrawal, the damn withdrawal. Do this a few times and you will understand. That is what I wanted Red to avoid in the first place, this is why I was against the long distance relationship. Then again, he would not have felt the elation and the release had he listened to me. So Red’s heart was getting tired, tired of these ups and downs. Red himself started to feel like a junkie, he lived his days for his next fix, without actually LIVING his days. Unlike junkies though, Red had the strength to realize this. As much as this was going to hurt, he had decided to break the cycle for Klo’s and his good. Red, you know how I called him my intellectual brother? Well this is one of the reasons why. He is willing to hurt a lot and to sacrifice some happiness in order to do the right thing; a lesser person would not have done this. I wish Klo understands this someday. Was this the only reason for the break up? No, is it really important to know them all? No. Just understand they were in love and still are. Understand that there was no relationship stronger then theirs. To Red I say this –“ life is what happens to dreams. Happiness is not determined by how well you dream but by how well you live”. Regards, JD.